My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize