i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
