Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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