new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
