He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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