You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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