you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
