You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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