I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.