I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You smell like stripper and shame
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
