forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"