just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.