I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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