dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.