The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia