Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.