seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
