So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
