Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
