If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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