went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Where are you guys?
Drunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
