I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
