You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
