i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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