i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
