Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
