I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
