I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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