Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
tell me about the fingering
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