Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
