Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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