You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
