we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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