pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
