I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
