Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How drunk are you?
Completed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
