I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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