Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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