No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
