I bet he comes in French.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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