my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
