So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
