I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize