I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
