my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
