do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
