didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
