wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is wine microwaveable?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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