just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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