I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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