just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
