how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
