Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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