i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
