Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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