I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
