His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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