At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
