Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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