He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
