id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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