so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
