Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
