he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
