You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
