the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
