i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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