Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
