You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
