i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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