shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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