I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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