he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize