if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
