you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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