Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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